Breakthrough Blues

How can I trust a man When the first one I trusted broke my heart? I'm still learning who I am Still learning where my healing starts... How can I trust a man when my father was the first heartbreak? First man who could've taught me love, but left me with questions I couldn't explain. Everybody said he was there, but where was he when I needed him? Why'd I have to grow up wondering if I was ever worth choosing? I got quiet, nobody asked what was wrong, So I learned how to hide it and pretend I was strong. Then I carried that pain into people I loved, Looking for the missing pieces in somebody else's love. I stared at the mirror with tears falling down... Wondering why nobody could see me now. But I'm tired of crying over things I couldn't change. Tired of letting somebody else's actions make me feel ashamed. I don't hate you, Dad... I just hate what your absence did. You were supposed to teach me love, but I had to learn it as a kid. I don't hate you, I just hate what your absence did. You were supposed to teach me love, but I had to teach myself what it is. I'm finding my voice, I'm finding my worth. I'm learning I deserved love before anybody said I did. This ain't the end of my story... It's the first page of my healing. Yeah... I know what it feels like to carry pain you never chose, Smile around everybody while nobody really knows. Sometimes you get angry 'cause the words don't come out right, So you keep everything inside and fight yourself every night. But your past ain't your identity, and their words ain't your truth. You were hurting back then, you were just trying to make it through. You don't have to chase love just to prove somebody cares. You don't have to accept less because somebody wasn't there. And I know you wanted answers from the person who caused the pain, But sometimes healing starts when you stop waiting for them to change. You can love somebody and still dislike what they did. You can forgive somebody without forgetting how you lived. Look inside that mirror... Don't only see the tears. See somebody who survived all those lonely years. You weren't hard to love. You weren't too much. You were a child looking for love and trying to understand what it was. So maybe I was never broken... Maybe I was just hurting. Maybe all these years I was searching for somebody to tell me I was worth it. But I'm telling myself now. I'm finally hearing my voice. I can't change what happened... But healing is still my choice. I don't hate you, I just hate what your absence did. You were supposed to teach me love, but I had to teach myself what it is. I'm finding my voice, I'm finding my worth. I'm learning I deserved love before anybody said I did. This ain't the end of my story... It's the first page of my healing. I'm still healing... Still learning... Still becoming... And for the first time... I'm choosing me.